It can be difficult to approach someone you care about with concerns about their mental
health. It’s a hard conversation for anyone, and it’s important to show people you care
about that you are worried about them but are not judging them. Here are a few tips on
how to approach a loved one you are worried about regarding disordered eating
behaviors.
1) Learn as much as you can about eating disorders.
Chances are, the person already knows their habits are not normal, so imagine what it
would feel like for someone to approach you with speculation or accusations. It’s
important to receive knowledge about the subject before approaching someone with
your concerns so that it does not come off as you diagnosing them. Learn the
differences between myths and facts about weight, nutrition, and exercising. This can
help you help them understand they may need to see a professional.
2) Use “I” statements
It’s important to emphasize how you are worried about someone without putting blame
on them. Saying “I am worried about how little you are eating” sounds a lot better than
“you’re not eating enough”. The second sentence is sure to make someone shut down
and prevent them from hearing any more you have to say. If they feel judged by
someone they love, imagine how they might feel thinking about having to speak with a
stranger about the issue.
3) Stick to the facts
Focus on what you have seen them doing and why it concerns you. Do not lump your
loved one in with the general population or compare them to siblings, friends, or other
family members.
4) Avoid simplistic solutions
Giving answers such as “just eat more” or “just snack less” will not help your loved one.
These statements are similar to telling someone with a broken leg “just heal”. If you
want someone to acknowledge and change their habits, it may require you to change
habits as well. For example, if you do the grocery shopping, you may want to evaluate
what you are putting into the shopping cart. Is there too much junk food? Are there
enough fruits and vegetables? Or is someone in the family being a food-pusher (see
next tip)
5) Do not be a food pusher!
Many of us have grown up hearing “eat everything on your plate, there are starving kids
in (insert third world country here). Although it was originally meant to not waste food,
pushing someone to continue eating when they are already full can lead to disordered
eating habits. It’s important to teach yourself and others to eat until satisfied, not until
full. The body does not realize it has had enough food until 20 minutes after a meal.
Leftovers are okay!
6) Be prepared for negative reactions
Eating and food habits are sensitive topics. It’s not simply about eating habits, it’s also
about body image, self-esteem, and identity. However, reacting in an upset manner
does not mean they did not hear you or your concerns. Be patient, continue to gentle
express your concerns. If you feel like this is a hard discussion to have, imagine what it
feels like to hear it.
7) Encourage them to see professional help
Trying to figure this out on your own is draining and can cause burnout. It’s important to
talk to a professional who knows the necessary tools to help someone with this specific
issue.
For more information including resources, how to help a child, how to help yourself, and
advocacy opportunities, please head to Home – National Eating Disorders Association